Making Monsters out of Thoughts

He calls me sunshine

I start thinking about how too much sunshine makes a desert

He says he has enough calm in him for the storm that’s about to come

Okay, I say. I tell him I’ll try to be the anchor, but I’m scared he’ll drown

He promises he won’t quit on me, that we’ll be alright

I tell him that I can already see this ending even though it just began,

That I know he’s trying to keep the both of us afloat

But I’ve been using anguish and loneliness as a life jacket for far too long;

I’ve been turning suffering into survival for far too long to believe in the uncertainty of happiness again.

I know he’ll still try to keep the both of us afloat

But the ocean I’m drowning in holds water saturated with apathy

And I can already feel the water enter my lungs, and I can already feel him slipping away.

-M.S.